Seeking the Approval of Others

Seeking the Approval of Others

Thoughts on the video:

A person asks Dr. Stanley "How can I stop seeking the approval of others?" The questioner expressed something that I connect with. She said "I know I care more about making people happy than I probably should." I feel the same way. I worry too much about saying something that would not make a person like me or happy. So most of the time I say nothing at all. It's really frustrating. I want to be myself and express myself without the need to make sure that I'm pleasing people, or not annoying them. I just want to be weird without the worry of what people think of me.

"How do you seek approval? Is it in your conversations?" Wow, this one got me good. I didn't know I was seeking approval of people through my conversations. I have been so worried about developing the skills and knowledge of great conversations, but really I have only been doing it out of seeking approval. The root of all this is really insecurity.

I feel like there is more to dealing with insecurity than just fixing something that one does not like about themselves such as having poor people skills, being a poor communicator, being shy, or having  a self image issue.  All of the things  I listed are just treating the symptoms of insecurity. Sure, fixing those areas will help, but only temporarily. Its hard not to take failures in these areas personally. Additionally, one is never satisfied by the success in those areas. If I had one great conversation I wanted to have more great conversations with that one person, but it always required a lot of energy from me to do it, but there would be days where I had no where to draw my energy from. I often had experienced too much loneliness or self defeat which would rob me of any joy that I had and it would be hard to have these amazing conversations without pretending I was happy. People on YouTube videos said that I just needed to not think about that one bad experience and just move on to another person, but its hard to do so when you don't know of how to deal with failures in a healthy way.

People try to tell you how to deal with failures, but to me they never really offer advice that hit the root of the problem. People who had "success" with their insecurities say "I cared to much about what people thought of me, but then one day I decide that I wasn't and I have had so much success!". That's really shallow advice. How do you just one day decide that your not going to let your insecurities bother you? "Nah man, just do things that make you happy." Also a bad advice, because the happiness that hobbies provide is never enough. I can only skateboard so much to distract myself from failure or insecurities, before I have to go home and spend time by myself in my bed. I need something to give me better advice.

I think that the Christian message is worthy pursuing, because it offers advice that seem to really target the soul. Its not a person's duty to seek the approval of others, but only that of God's. I was watching a sermon by Joyce Meyer where she talks about how by following God's will will naturally give you grace in front of man without you trying.

For the God that created the universe and who knows all things, loves me and all those who believe in him. We know that He loves us because He sacrificed His son for mankind when mankind should have been punished instead. This is the wonderful distinction of the Gospel from the Holy Bible that sets its doctrine apart from any other religions. What God willingly sacrifices himself for his creation? It's like if I created a robot to be awesome, and it was about to put down because it was not allowed to live for whatever reason, but I instead told them to kill me and let my robot live. What kind of God shows sacrificial love expect God through his son Jesus.

All God wants His people to do is to know Him, to love Him, and to seek only His approval. People are volatile, they are always changing. They hate you one day and love you the next, and if you seek to make them happy, it will be very hard, but God is constant and doesn't go through periods where he hates you then loves you. He always loves you. Seeking His approval, which means to follow his will,  is to be sure that you will find it, because His will for you is always good and to follow His will is to be who He created you to be.

Thoughtfully,

- Edgar